I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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