i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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