I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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