Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
