Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
