Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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