Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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