sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
