discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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