This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
