So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
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You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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