i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
