Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
false alarm, still single
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
