i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize