you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize