Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
