forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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