i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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