New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
