im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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