Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
