He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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