areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
did i just pee glitter
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
