It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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