He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
