I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
