how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
