I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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