That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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