im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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