I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
