i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
