You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???