The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
