I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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