Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
