I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
