4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
