Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
only if we run a train.
done.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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