Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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