ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
