I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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