Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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