I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
