I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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