I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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