I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
