Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so much tequila, so little girl.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
