Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
