If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
