He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
