I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
