my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is Oprah even human
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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