oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
