so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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