Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
