Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
