Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
