I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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