you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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