I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
