Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
