i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
