the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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