Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
