He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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