note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize