What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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