Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
