addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
