I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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