I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
