he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
